Every morning, I have a little ritual with my son and daughter. When they first look in the mirror, we do affirmations. It’s a routine I’ve done with each of my children since they were babies.
“Who’s so beautiful (or handsome)?”
“Who’s so smart?”
“Who’s so kind?”
And lastly:
“Who’s going to change the world?”
Their answer is usually shouted with joy: “Me, me, me!” or “I am!”
This routine has always made me feel accomplished before my day even begins. I’m teaching them to think positively, to believe in themselves. And of course, if I do this every day, they’ll grow up confident, kind, and world-changing… right?
But Then, Something Shifted
“No. Harlow no beautiful.”
I froze. I tried to reassure her. I told her over and over how beautiful she is. My husband came over and joined in. But no matter how much we affirmed her, she kept saying “No.”
It haunted me for a week.
Where Did She Learn This?
How could this happen? I thought I was winning at this one small parenting thing—this daily effort to build their confidence. I was doing everything right, until suddenly I wasn’t.
I finally opened up to a close friend about it. I asked, “Where could she have gotten this idea? Who would tell her she’s not beautiful? She’s not even two years old!”
He paused and said gently, “Well, who else is she around the most?”
I deflected. “Not me! I don’t say that about myself. I don’t think I’m ugly.”
The Little Moments We Don’t Notice
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized—maybe it is me. Not in the way I expected.
Not in big declarations, but in little moments:
Inspecting the bags under my eyes.
Complaining about gray hairs.
Asking if I look better than I did last week.
Making self-deprecating jokes when I look in the mirror.
I didn’t think she noticed. But she’s always watching. And that disappointed look she gave herself? It might be the one I unknowingly give myself.
Our Actions Are Louder Than Affirmations
I realized something big that day:
We can try to tell our children to love themselves, but if we don’t show them what that looks like, they won’t hear a word we say.
Our actions are louder than affirmations.
Teaching Kids Self-Love Starts With You.
So the very next day, I changed the script.
I looked in the mirror and said, “Mommy is so beautiful. Is Harlow so beautiful?”
And this time, she nodded with a little smile:
“Harlow so beautiful.”
She believed it—because I finally did too.
